Karma?

It's 2:17 in the morning, and I'm exhausted.

I'm tired of thinking about you. About you all.

"Karma is a concept in Hinduism which explains causality through a system where beneficial effects are derived from past beneficial actions and harmful effects from past harmful actions, creating a system of actions and reactions throughout a person's reincarnated lives."

Maybe all this is something I deserve. Maybe I asked for it.

I know I've hurt many people throughout my life. And what's worse, most of the time I meant it. Sometimes I didn't realize I was causing pain. But almost always, I did. I knew, deep inside me, my actions would end up hurting somebody.

I guess I just didn't realize until now.

So many things are becoming clear now. After purging my mind and my heart of all the noise, the excess, the loss of control, so many things seem crystal clear.

I guess it's all kind of a comeback. A huge, malevolent, evil comeback.

But how else would I learn my lesson? Humans are fragile beings. Emotions are something you shouldn't mess around with. Dealing with someone else automatically involves dealing with their feelings, their dreams, their past, their doubts, their fears. Making the choice to get to know someone -or worse: making the choice to care for them- implies taking an avalanche of risks and threats. Friendship is a beautiful gift that should be taken care of.

There were people I messed around with, people whose feelings I hurt, and so many people who I stomped on to get to where I am.

And I'm not sorry. At all.

Hadn't I done what I did, I wouldn't be the person I am now. And after all, I like being myself. I like learning new lessons. Standing up against each new storm knowing that afterwards I will rise up as stronger man, with new knowledge and new resources.

Thank you. It's time I realized. And realizing takes me a step closer to waking up.

Not yet, though. Five more minutes, perhaps four, and I'll be all set.